How Much Can You Get Used To?

“Or, you could just get used to it,” my husband offered. “Really?” I wondered.   

Over the past year, like everyone, I’ve gotten used to more than I wanted to.  Even in my hugely fortunate circumstances, this time had a cost.  We’ve all had the daily parade of sorrow, seeing the faces of people who died of COVID.  We’re all exhausted by the endless parade of gun violence.  I hate the separation from my dad and my friends.   Clothes feel weird now, when I have to dress like a grown-up. 

The beauty of having a long-term partner is that you can blather on about any topic – really, any topic, and they’ll have an insight. 

My $10 replacement for my Apple watch band didn’t fit quite like the $50 band recommended by Apple.  Go figure. 

I was thinking out loud to my husband that I could cut it a little to make it even out. “Or, you could just get used to it.” 

Somehow the big things are easier to get used to than the small ones.  For the big things, we summon up our inner resources, pull our courage around us, and move forward, one shaky step at a time.  Or, we resist getting used to them, and rise up.  The small things end up being like a rock in the shoe, not ruinous, and still not ignorable. 

The color of my kitchen, a shade much more orange than I had in mind, but too late to fix.  The shoes that are a pinch too small, but where I hastily threw out the box and the receipt. 

“Or, you could just get used to it.”

His words come back to me as I’m sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, being ignored by the staff working three feet away.  And again, as I wait for the doctor in the exam room, the minutes of my precious day off ticking past.  I breathe and try not to be snippy when someone comes in. 

“Or, you could get used to it.”  The terrible parking at Trader Joe’s.  Every Trader Joe’s.  The fact that my office is always too hot or too cold.  (Come to think of it, that could be me.)  The thing that someone always says.  Would that free up more bandwidth for the things I should never get used to, I wonder?  The people I love being gone from this particular part of life.   The persistent thievery of systemic racism.  Poverty that wears people down and sucks away their energy.  Our economy, which treats people like productive commodities. 

This past week reminded me of the power of people who don’t get used to things, who don’t pass on by, including the powerful witness of then-17 year old Darnella Fraizer, who filmed the murder of George Floyd.  Without her, the story we heard about his death would have been so different.  Or, the crowd who stood and watched, taking in the horror of his death, to bring it to our attention.

I'm grateful that Black people, other people of color, women, our LGBTQ+ siblings and others don't have to get used to things we once assumed were part of our culture. Thank goodness for people of courage who didn't get used to things, many of which I have allowed myself not to see.

Some things we should never get used to. 

When I look at the quirky watchband, I’m hoping it will be my guide in accepting the small things, so there’s room to stay furious about the big stuff.  Or, at the very least, it will remind me that you get what you pay for. 

-- Mary Austin

Image above via Pexels.