Living in The Loop: When Life Repeats

Hitting the same spots again and again.

Image by Kelly via Pexels.

I hate to admit that I recently lost my car.

In my 20’s, this was commonplace. I started paying much closer attention after being an hour late to work because I was searching through the parking garage. Now, of course, we can take a picture of our spot. It’s almost too easy.

This time, I marked the big street and the little street where I parked, and set off to walk in a neighborhood I wanted to explore. When I came back, I arrived at the corner of the big street and the little street and looked for my car. Nothing. Maybe I mis-remembered how close I was to the corner? I walked farther, and the houses were different. Walked a little more, and there was my car on the opposite side of the street from where I parked it.

Aliens messing with me? Someone who borrowed it and brought it back? Onset of dementia?

It turns out that tricky little street was a loop, intersecting with the bigger street twice.

Loops come often in our lives. Teenagers are like toddlers in their quest for independence. Dying people are like babies, craving soft fabrics and soft words. Bullies work the same way everywhere. In our own lives, we come to the same thing from a different direction and realize we’re in a pattern we’ve been in before. The same patterns repeat at different ages, and we get more opportunities to deal with our small-heartedness.

Our politics in the U.S. are a loop. We’re back to saying the ugly things out loud, emboldened because other people are doing it. Back to believing prejudice is good. Back to cruelty as a value. This is a shameful loop of past discrimination, with the evil now funded by billions of dollars.

Lots of wise people are giving advice about resting, working small, and maintaining connections. Also, drinking water. All good advice. Lots of wise people, including Joyce Vance and Amy Siskind are reporting on the actual news each week, along with the notable Heather Cox Richardson.

We also have skills.

Every BIPOC person, queer person and white person who’s been paying attention is coming at this loop with skills. Every time we hit the same loop, we come with more insight and more power. We have better organizing skills, and more patience for the long haul. We listen and learn better. We have more ability to sift out alternative facts lies, and we have more and better sources for the news.

Teenagers are smarter than toddlers, and they can use their words…when they want to. Dying people bring their hard-won peace to the end of life. Bullies grow up, or get tamed by brave people.

We hit the spiral at a higher place each time, and those lessons are never wasted. As we organize, rest, connect, think local and hydrate, I hope we don’t forget we have skills for this version of the loop.

Keep this number handy: 202/224-3121 — The Capitol Switchboard. They will connect you with the offices of your Senators and your Representative. The calls for and against on any issue, say, perhaps wacky appointees up for confirmation, get tallied up.

The book I’m loving:

In Black Women Taught Us, Dr. Jenn M. Jackson weaves mini-biographies of notable Black women with her own experiences, sharing lessons from Audre Lord, Shirley Chisholm, Toni Morrison and others. The publisher says, “A love letter to those who have been minimized and forgotten, this collection repositions Black women’s intellectual and political work at the center of today’s liberation movements.”

Dr. Jackson says, “The term “ally” is highly problematic because it resists accountability and promotes the idea that privileged folks can simply elect themselves as safe places for Black people without doing the work. “Allyship” has become so sexy because it lets non-Black people feel as though they are “one of the good ones.” Rather than being anti-racist, they may simply be non-racist. Unfortunately, that isn’t enough. By merely caring about Black people and thinking that racism is bad, white people can call themselves allies. This logic is problematic because it centers the goals and aims of people who are not the most marginalized. This is a cyclical process of searching for new words and practices every few years…It also undermines any opportunity for coalition-building or developing social and political networks across race, ethnic, and other demographic groups."

Written before the 2024 election, and especially true then, Dr. Jackson notes, "Likewise, white women frequently opt in and out of white supremacy and anti-Blackness when it is individually and systemically beneficial for themselves."