Underexposed
What needs more light this holiday season?
I organized my chair, ottoman, coffee and book, and moved the lamp closer. Still not enough light for evening reading.
“Should I bring in another lamp?” I wondered, flustered by the inconvenience of reading an actual book. Usually I read on a device with its own light.
For the last few years, my husband and I lived in a beautiful mid-century home with no overhead lights. The house was lovely and spacious, fun to live in. And dim. Very dim.
BUT…we don’t live there anymore. We live in an apartment with overhead lights. I could solve my problem in five seconds by getting up to turn on the light…a light I had completely forgotten about.
An old truth was still controlling me.
How often do I forget to turn on the light in bigger ways? Fail to update my mental image of a person, and their skills? Miss the truth that a situation has changed? Ignore something I know? We think we’re not good at something, or can’t do something, and really, we’re just failing to turn on the light. We miss the new reality. One of my most capable friends always says, “I could never manage that,” when she’s actually already doing it.
“Walk in stupid every morning” is the motto of an ad agency famous for the Nike ads that don’t look like ads. Start with fresh eyes. Turn on the light and begin again.
What we think we know is more dangerous than what we don’t know. As the holidays arrive, a huge chunk of the stress is being with people who have old ideas about us. They still see us like we were at 12, or 18, or 24. We’ve gone to school, had kids, gone to therapy, learned to solve problems...and still, old relationship habits persist. We’re always the irresponsible one, the tardy one, the failure, the one with money problems. People say they feel like they’re 14 again when they visit their parents. Of course…because they treat you that way. And you treat yourself that way.
We all fall into all the old patterns. It’s like a hometown force field.
But we don’t have to react. We don’t have to be 14 anymore. We can always reach up and turn on the light, and see things as they are. We can always add more light, and see ourselves as we are.
What needs more light in your life this holiday season?
Image via Pexels.
Sometimes I feel frustrated that people who knew me when I was 30 don't know how much I've changed, but it surprised me when my eldest son said to me just a few months ago, "Mom, you've really changed." And I know how it happened. As the years go by, I allow more Light to come into my spirit, and that Light now shines brighter than ever through me. With that light comes less judgment, more love, more acceptance, more prayer and more attentiveness to the presence of God in my life.
Just beautiful, Mary. In this holiday season, I need to remember that I am enough. It isn't the gifts I can give, but the love in my heart. I need to turn on the light and see all that has gone well this year, not the things that I am struggling with.