Where Are Your Small Wins? Episodic Glee is Still Powerful
Here's what I learned from a young friend.
One of my young friends has been coming to work with me this week. He’s suspended from school, and so he comes to the office to do his homework at my guest table. After a few days getting picked up early, he negotiated for a later start to his day.
Of course, I let him win. Later pickup time it is.
When I reminded my daughter that I used to do this with her, she said, “oh, yes. That feeling of winning. It gives you so much confidence. Then you feel like you can take on the next thing.”
In this era of steamroller politics, we could all use a win.
While we keep working toward gains on a national and international scale, let’s have some wins in our smaller spheres. As Ben Greene wrote recently, we do not owe anyone our misery. Our pain does not make the world one bit better right now, and, in fact, adds to the overall level of despair.
In our own lives, we make the rules! What would be a win, for you?
Maybe it’s a physical gesture. Amy Cuddy's research fascinates me. When we take a big stance, our minds take a clue from our bodies. We signal that we deserve to take up space, and our minds catch up. Cuddy says, “expanding our bodies – stretching out, sitting up straight, walking with longer strides, breathing more deeply – can help us feel happier, healthier, and more powerful. In other words, carrying our bodies with power and poise helps us to approach and carry out our interactions with power and poise.” Wonder Woman or Starfish will get us out of the rut.
Lately, I move the furniture in hotel rooms. Why didn’t I think of this years ago? Need a lamp in a different place? Is the chair in your way? Move it. (Yes, I put it all back when I leave, so I’m not making more work for the housekeeper.) Their idea doesn’t have to be my idea.
I skip the weigh-in at the doctor. That also allows me to skip the whole weigh loss chat, and the humiliating moment when the medical assistant gives me a handout about eating more fruits and vegetables.
If I can afford to go somewhere, I try to leave a big tip. Everyone is on the edge, and money always helps.
Reading mysteries for pleasure gives order to my imagination. Everything is neatly tied up at the end. It’s a gift of mental calm.
For me, this time requires (even) more silence and brighter colors. When I manage (and it’s hard) to set down my phone and take in the quiet, I find a gift there. It’s soooooo hard to stop scrolling, though.
When I’m afraid of sinking under the waves of dismay and sloth, the mini victories help me reorient. It can be as small as getting out of bed some days. Or staying in bed, and choosing to rest. It’s the thing I didn’t buy, or the small thing I did purchase.
How about you? What are your small triumphs? What would feel like a micro win, in your life?
The book I’m loving: Life is Meals by James and Kay Salter. Written as a book of days, the entries are a mix of things. Advice about entertaining along the lines of fancy 1970’s New York: “a dinner is more of an occasion if you have two courses before dessert.” Or, before a dinner party, review your liquor supply. “Besides basic spirits – gin, vodka, beer, Scotch, bourbon – check the bar to make sure you have soda or seltzer, tonic, olives/cocktail onions/lemon peel. Make or buy plenty of ice.”
There are also delightful food anecdotes: Dostoyevsky’s wife rewarded him for each finished chapter of Crime and Punishment with caviar and sex. And advice: for guests who show up on the wrong night, there are four choices: “send out for pizza, give them a drink while you change and then go out to eat, urge them to stay and serve whatever you were going to have anyway…or, send them home.”
There are tidbits about where the fork came from, and why we have salt, plus some recipes.
It’s not in print anymore, and I found it so delightful that I bought a used copy to enjoy in twenty minute doses. It came to me via Daisy Buchanan on Anna Wharton's White Ink.
Reading it is a soothing view of a gracious world – almost fantasy, these days!
How about you? What are you reading?
Two things I've taken up new since retirement that get my mind off all the outside rancor and discord. The first is baking and cooking. I pretty much do it all at our house with my spouse, of course, as my live-in consultant. It is a victory when something turns out not just edible but actually very good. I also love making something for the coffee hour/lunch each Sunday, and seeing the whole dish get eaten followed by compliments. The second thing is my Irish bagpipes. I've taken up the Uilleann (ill-in) pipes. Have played for just over a year and find it again a victory when I have a practice session with fewer squeaks and squeals than the previous session and also when I memorize a piece completely since my teacher insists on playing everything by heart. (May I add that just these few moments reading Stained Glass in the City and writing down my comments is also quite therapeutic.)
Thanks, Mary! Definitely focusing on little pleasures. I hesitate to say “wins” right now. I have picked up a light, fun, mystery series with Cleopatra Fox by CJ Archer. Finished Murder at the Debutant Ball #5 late last night and #6 is cued up to go. Also reading Against TechnoAbleism:Rethinking Who Needs Improvement by Ashley Shew and just finished reading James by Percival Everett. If you haven’t read James, it’s definitely worth it. Mr. Everett is a brilliant author and the book, not always easy to read (content wise), was thought provoking and insightful and important.