Oh Mary, thank you for this poignant, detailed, thoughtful celebration of your brother and indeed your family whose hearts broke wide open when your brother ended his life. Memories, laughter, tears, love, forgiveness ... all are part of getting to peace. I'm not sure we ever understand a choice like your brother's (and Paul's younger brother) but we can honor them with shared reflections and memories. Thank you.
The unanswered question of your brother's state of mind on that day. What a nagging piece of grief. I'm sorry you carry this. What a blessing we are given in all the small moments that bring smiles and warm memories of those we loved.
Mary, so moving and real. You described the unimaginable: “The people we can’t reach still make themselves present. They give us the mystery gift of themselves, in strange and delightful slivers of their presence.”
Thank you for sharing a holy moment. While I have not lost any siblings or children physically there are broken relationships. I am torn between thinking I should keep trying to mend them or just let it be. I try to let go but refuse to accept the sense of failure. Since they are still alive I cannot let go and I feel stuck without options.
Richard, I’m deeply touched by the struggles you recount. When my next to youngest brother died suddenly almost 12 years ago, my family drew even closer to mourn his loss and support his wife, their children, and our mother. My mother’s death a year later set the stage for a family fracture that still astounds me. I’m grateful for the siblings with whom I remained close throughout, and for the healing that has begun in of some of the broken relationships. Two family members remain completely unavailable to me. Their absence and the resulting grief is a big part of my life. As a fellow pilgrim on the same hard path, I urge you to reconsider the conclusion you’ve reached. A wise friend opened a door I didn’t know existed when she shared with me the wisdom that the response to a broken relationship is to let the beloved go with love. I’ve been following that advice imperfectly for four of five years now and sharing the fruits it has produced with my closest family members. Don’t be overwhelmed by your sorrow. Learn from it. Rest as much as you can. Be as kind to yourself as you know how to be, then be kinder. Peace to you, brother. Life is hard. God is good 🩵🕊️
This is so beautiful and brings me memories of Dave’s delightful self and goofy grin. I never knew about his depression. 15 years. Sending you big love today. I miss him.
Sorry for your losses. Beautifully written Mary.
Thank you, Cerina!
Mary, reading this piece I had the experience of the sun coming out behind the clouds. Thank you for blessing your readers with it.
Thank you, Deb. That means a lot to me.
Beautiful writing, Mary. I've come back to this more than once this week.
Thank you, Lori!
Oh Mary, thank you for this poignant, detailed, thoughtful celebration of your brother and indeed your family whose hearts broke wide open when your brother ended his life. Memories, laughter, tears, love, forgiveness ... all are part of getting to peace. I'm not sure we ever understand a choice like your brother's (and Paul's younger brother) but we can honor them with shared reflections and memories. Thank you.
I’m so sorry you have this experience in your family, too. So hard.
Thank you, Mary. You are always a "thinking prompt," I dream or writing, but not there yet.
Soon, maybe?
The unanswered question of your brother's state of mind on that day. What a nagging piece of grief. I'm sorry you carry this. What a blessing we are given in all the small moments that bring smiles and warm memories of those we loved.
Kathy, in the end, I’ve come to think that “why?” isn’t a very useful question…even though I always want to know!
Lovely and moving.
Thank you, Tom!
Mary, so moving and real. You described the unimaginable: “The people we can’t reach still make themselves present. They give us the mystery gift of themselves, in strange and delightful slivers of their presence.”
Thank you!
Beautiful and haunting.
Thank you, Candie!
beautiful - thank you
Thanks so much!
Love that you are talking about it all! Sending hugs!🩷
Thanks, Donna!
Such intimate depth and honesty. Loving this piece and knowing your connection with your brother lives on so many years later. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much!
You have always amazed me with your writing. What a deep live you had for your brother. I can feel that you miss him very much.
Blessings to you and the memories of your brother.💙💙💙🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing a holy moment. While I have not lost any siblings or children physically there are broken relationships. I am torn between thinking I should keep trying to mend them or just let it be. I try to let go but refuse to accept the sense of failure. Since they are still alive I cannot let go and I feel stuck without options.
Richard, that’s so hard and complicated. Ouch.
Richard, I’m deeply touched by the struggles you recount. When my next to youngest brother died suddenly almost 12 years ago, my family drew even closer to mourn his loss and support his wife, their children, and our mother. My mother’s death a year later set the stage for a family fracture that still astounds me. I’m grateful for the siblings with whom I remained close throughout, and for the healing that has begun in of some of the broken relationships. Two family members remain completely unavailable to me. Their absence and the resulting grief is a big part of my life. As a fellow pilgrim on the same hard path, I urge you to reconsider the conclusion you’ve reached. A wise friend opened a door I didn’t know existed when she shared with me the wisdom that the response to a broken relationship is to let the beloved go with love. I’ve been following that advice imperfectly for four of five years now and sharing the fruits it has produced with my closest family members. Don’t be overwhelmed by your sorrow. Learn from it. Rest as much as you can. Be as kind to yourself as you know how to be, then be kinder. Peace to you, brother. Life is hard. God is good 🩵🕊️
Mary Ellen, so complex. Lots to ponder here.
Thank you for sharing this glimpse of your deep grief and your tender courage in the face of it.
Thank you for your healing presence in our midst.
Thanks, Amy.
This is so beautiful and brings me memories of Dave’s delightful self and goofy grin. I never knew about his depression. 15 years. Sending you big love today. I miss him.
Thanks, Donna. He comes to mind often, which I cherish.