Hand-Me-Down Clothes, er, I Mean Beliefs

Digging into the pockets.

A nice little message I found at the bank. Do they want me to borrow money to make it happen?

When I was a teenager who knew absolutely everything, I could never understand why my mother wore the old jackets that my brothers and I left behind in the closet. One dated all the way back to our middle days. Gawdawful.

I thought she was exercising her famous thrift, and, now I see other joys in this odd habit. My own daughter left behind an excellent sweatshirt, which I wear now, putting on a little piece of her life as I zip it up. In the early days, the pockets coughed up clues to her life that only a parent could treasure. My brother and I passed a great sweatshirt back and forth for years, and he ended up with it. When he died, my sister-in-law passed it back to me, and now my daughter has it. I like to think she’s wrapped in his courage when she wears it.

What worries me: the attitudes and beliefs that were handed down to me.

I was so trained to be a Midwestern woman that I was 25 before it dawned on me that I didn’t have to do everything people asked me to do. True story.

I was slow to see the places of my white, middle-class, straight privilege, and how much that gave me a boost in life. And waaaay too slow to see that my fierce feminism was a lot about the agenda of white women, leaving out BIPOC and trans women.

I was slow to see the power and beauty of the Black Lives Matter movement, and slow to understand how the patterns of systemic racism impact people’s lives and wear away at them. I’m in awe of the skill that Black people have, out of necessity, in creating space for laughter, love and beauty inside the everyday oppression we choose not to vanquish. We all need to learn that skill now.

I was slow to see how Christian churches squeeze out people who are different, and flatten others. Thankfully, I now know lots of churches who don’t do that.

I was slow to see where men with power were adding me to committees, and giving me promotions, not because of my ability, but because I could be counted on to be docile.

The hand-me-down clothes from beloved people are comforting. A way to be in their presence, even briefly. The hand me down beliefs keep challenging me to do better, to learn more.

To thrive in the coming years, we need to learn to see faster, myself included. Being better learners, and better listeners, is work everyone can do. Digging into our personal places of indifference makes us more useful in the world, and to ourselves.

For all of us, even when we’re overwhelmed, doing something awkwardly is better than doing nothing. Seeing slowly is better than choosing not to see. Hand-me-down sweatshirts, yes. Hand-me-down beliefs, no thanks.

Janis Ozolins is the best at turning truth into a picture.

Professor Timothy Snyder is an expert on tyranny, and his column had these lessons recently, culled from the openings his 2017 book On Tyranny, which has since been edited to reflect the current time.

Here are a few of his ideas that spoke to me:

“Defend institutions. It is institutions that help us to preserve decency. They need our help as well. Do not speak of "our institutions" unless you make them yours by acting on their behalf. Institutions do not protect themselves. They fall one after the other unless each is defended from the beginning. So choose an institution you care about -- a court, a newspaper, a law, a labor union -- and take its side.

Take responsibility for the face of the world. The symbols of today enable the reality of tomorrow. Notice the swastikas and the other signs of hate. Do not look away, and do not get used to them. Remove them yourself and set an example for others to do so.

Stand out. Someone has to. It is easy to follow along. It can feel strange to do or say something different. But without that unease, there is no freedom. Remember Rosa Parks. The moment you set an example, the spell of the status quo is broken, and others will follow.”