Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the San Antonio Zoo will feed your ex to a zoo animal.
The zoo is hosting a fundraiser where you can name a cockroach, vegetable or rodent (you pick whatever fits best, I guess…) after your former beloved. The zoo feeds Jessica, Jake or Logan to a hungry animal in exchange for your donation. As a bonus, if you really feel snarky, you can send your ex a digital card announcing that they have been eaten alive by a hungry animal.
2024 is generating a lot of hate.
Because I read widely across the political spectrum, I get fear-mongering election texts from all sides. “Those people” are always out to ruin America. Could we possibly talk about what we’re actually in favor of, instead how awful the other people are?
Conflict guru Amanda Ripley terms some disputes “high conflict,” where the sides are sharply drawn and we can’t see any nuance in the people on the other side. She says, “Once they get drawn into high conflict, people become certain of their own righteousness, make negative assumptions about those who have a different position and come to believe that the only acceptable solution is total victory.” One feature of high conflict is how we demonize the other side. There are heroes and villains, and we are definitely the heroes. Ripley likens this kind of conflict to a tar pit that sucks you in, and becomes fatal. “Once we enter, we find we can’t get out…More and more of us get pulled into the muck, without even realizing how much worse we are making our own lives.”
Hate is expensive.
Exhibit A: this tile. Someone paid good money for a permanent reminder that Brian is, er, flawed.
It takes energy to keep hate fresh. It might fade away while we’re having fun, or making a new friend, or simply resting. We have to remember why we’re mad, and keep feeding the grudge. If we like drama, that feels fun.
Believe me, I tried to stay mad when a fellow pastor who did me wrong. It was for my own good, he advised me, as if I would leap up and thank him. (Spare me the dad lecture.) I really didn’t mind feeding that anger. It had an energy of its own.
Musing on it later, I confessed to my husband with shame that it was my fault. If I had been more deferential, been meeker and more flattering, things would have turned out differently. Somehow, my hate got turned inward, and morphed into deep doubt.
My husband listened attentively. When I stopped talking, he thought for a minute and then said, “Well, if he’s an asshole, he’s an asshole.” With that one sentence, he set me free from a load of self-doubt. That’s why I’m married to him.
A year later, I ran into the back stabber at a meeting. When someone tried to introduce us, I smiled big and said, “we’ve met,” which confused him. Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten to be so mad. Leaving him confused made me laugh – and feel free.
I thought about buying a rat at the San Antonio Zoo in his honor, and discovered that I can’t even remember his name.
Who are you trying to hate — or not hate — these days? I’d love to hear.
Image of the rat via Pexels.
I just discovered Ms. Austin, and this is the first post of hers I read. I must confess, I LOL at the idea. I love animals, have done a lot of rescuing in my life, and the photo of the rat on the rose cracked me up (I actually like rats. They're clean, intelligent, and make great pets). I know the idea is mean, but I immediately made a short list in my head of people I'd feed to some of my favorite animals (like tigers), and what animal they would be. There's no hate in me towards these people. Most have passed away and the others can't be found. What they have in common is the way they used and abused me, knowingly, often with smiles, and never an apology. Having healed to the point of self-love, instead of self-hate, I find myself wanting to tell them how what they did affected me. I don't even want an apology or a sign of contrition, I just want to be able to speak my truth and be heard. Since that isn't possible, I've been struggling with how to let go of not getting justice. I think that's why I found this amusing. It also makes a great writing prompt for a story.
Gosh, what a horrible fundraiser idea. And the people of San Antonio had no objection? That failure to object is even more telling. I struggle, we all struggle with our relationships and society is there to help temper our worse instincts, until now. It takes energy to muster up anger. It takes feeding to keep the rage alive. Where are the mothers to pull these errant angry souls into societal norms? As a world it seems we have lost our "we."