My Past Self Was a Quirky Duckling: She Gets a Big Thank You
How about yours? Does your Past Self get enough credit?
From time to time, we get the advice to motivate ourselves by imagining our future selves. Our typical, unconscious reaction to that is “ha! They’re on their own.” Future You is a stranger. Why should we save money for them when we could spend it on ourselves? Help them out by doing a task for them, when we could be eating bonbons right now? Good luck, suckers!
In the engrossing book Your Brain's Not Broken, Tamara Rosier, PhD, has a different take. She suggests thanking your past self for the things it did to prepare you for being here, right now. In a time of regret, it’s fun to think about the smart moves that Past You made.
Finished school? Well done.
Saved a little money? Good job. Paid attention to your retirement account? Go, you!
Avoided lifetime entanglements with emotional vampires? Thank you, Past Self! Good choices.
For myself, I’m thankful that Past Me always had a side hustle, which taught me a lot. For a few years, before I had a child, Past Me took every side gig I could get, mostly for the experience, although the money lifted me out of abject poverty after grad school. Past Me chose not to live in my hometown, which gave me a bigger world. Past Me moved closer to my family when my daughter was young — so grateful for the time with grandparents and cousins.
Still, Past Me spent way too much on sweaters – I could have done so much better with some discipline there. Past Me spent far too much on eating out…which I now call a hobby, so it’s entertainment. Thanks for helping me justify that, Past Me.
It's easy to see where Past Me stepped wrong. The good stuff is harder to excavate, so I love the suggestion of being grateful to Past Me. Being critical is so easy.
How about you? Where smart things did Past You do? Where are you grateful for Past You?
Here’s the book, which is so useful. Someone with ADHD recommended it, and it’s helping me understand them…and all of us. As we all spend more time on our devices, we all have more and more ADHD-like behaviors.
Mary, thanks for the book recommendation! I only recently realized that some of my behaviors are very much ADD like. I thank past me for going back to school at fifty (I had the time of my life doing that) and for choosing to marry my husband (thirty years ago now) when I didn't think I ever wanted another relationship. I've often thought of myself as having "received" the gift of him, but your essay reminds me that I also "chose" to marry him. I can take some credit and thank myself. After a past of failed marriages and abuse, infidelity, their alcoholism and drug abuse, marrying him was the best decision I ever made.
Past me loved sweaters too. And shoes. And well-fitting suits. Past me worked multiple jobs simultaneously and sacrificed much to get through school and then to pay off school loans and a mortgage to buy the too-big house I still live in. Past me had it easier than people my then-age have it now. I was hard back then but it was still possible. Now days, not so much. im grateful. to Past Me and to my parents who raised her with such hope and determination.❤️