The word I, too, cringed for that word coming out of my mother’s mouth. How is it that I didn’t measure up today? A very difficult word to rid yourself of. My admiration of the attempt. I, too, am trying to examine my speech to not make others feel less than they deserve to be. Thank you for the nudge and encouragement to continue to do so!
I think she thought she was trying to help me. She did what she knew. Her mother was a large and in charge type of person~which was unusual for her time. She became a principal of an elementary school, speaking Spanish on the Mexico-US border, Naco. They dedicated a plaque to my Grandma. She was good at a lot of things. I bet it was difficult to be her daughter. Get attention. My mother was very hospitable to all. When my Dad escaped their relationship he left my sister and me behind. My Mom was a very caring elementary teacher which took a lot of her energy. She did love us the best she could.
A little humor. In the middle of a sermon, our soft spoken kind pastor paused to make a point saying, “this is a but and it is a really big but”. Couple hundred burst into laughter and he did as well”.
For what it's worth, I think guys is okay for a mixed group. Of course now that I've read others' comments, I'm thinking everyone is a great alternative and I'll try to remember it.🤔
The phrase I'd like to ban is the perfect storm. It is overused and used inappropriately often.
Definitely trying to replace but with and - or restructure the sentence. I was hearing it come out of my mouth - & showing up on paper - far too often.
There are some others - you nailed lame & “it is what it is.” There’s another noun turned into a verb, but I can’t think of it right now. Maybe if I keep noodling it will come to me … noodle, noodle …. Nah! Maybe later.
I agree, I try to limit the word but and use and to allow for the paradox of a given situation. I try not to use the word "fine" and "interesting" as I find both don't convey much of anything anymore.
That's fun to think about. As a mid-westerner, "fine" means "I'm really mad and want you to ask me about it." "Interesting" is often, for me, a substitute for "oh my, what in the world are you thinking?" I like your idea to avoid both.
Thank you, Mary, for another thoughtful nugget of wisdom. It seems there might be two topics here. One deals with "but". The other with PC language. Makes me very aware now of when I might want to say "but" and perhaps use "and" instead. Seems that "and" may be less judgmental.
Regarding the PC language, I am so guilty of this even though I am conscious of what I am saying. It may relate to my life experience. I am 77 now (so I would classify as an "old guy" from those insensitive 50s & 60s) and think I am expressing myself correctly when I am really not. Example: Mary mentioned "guys". I thought guys was a term used by men AND women. My partner (is wife or spouse still OK to use?) said I am wrong. I said when I greet a group of males and females together what should I say? We decided "everyone" might be most appropriate. I have also used "ladies" when facing a group of females. Girls or women is not appropriate. I have used "guys" when talking to all women! I afraid there is no hope for me. Maybe the southern "y'all" is safest.
Recently you likely read that Harry & Meghan sent a note to William & Kate concerning Kate's recent medical diagnosis. It said: "We wish health and healing for Kate and the family, and hope they are able to do so privately and in peace.” To me that is very caring and appropriate. But it was grabbed by the media as indicating once again the strained relationship between the two couples. I do not agree.
Is this what "woke" is about? Are we progressives just shooting ourselves in the foot while trying to make every word so it does not offend anybody in the universe and then be laughed at by those who live their lives with much less worry and perhaps a lot more gladness?
Hopefully, Y'ALL have not been put to sleep by my rants and raves AND will give this old guy a break.
It is hard to keep up. People have a lot of grace for me, as I learn, and I hope for you, too. "Y'all" is always fun! I like "everyone." And, yes, less worry is always good.
The word I, too, cringed for that word coming out of my mother’s mouth. How is it that I didn’t measure up today? A very difficult word to rid yourself of. My admiration of the attempt. I, too, am trying to examine my speech to not make others feel less than they deserve to be. Thank you for the nudge and encouragement to continue to do so!
Ouch. I can just picture that moment when you're waiting for whatever is coming next. Sigh.
I think she thought she was trying to help me. She did what she knew. Her mother was a large and in charge type of person~which was unusual for her time. She became a principal of an elementary school, speaking Spanish on the Mexico-US border, Naco. They dedicated a plaque to my Grandma. She was good at a lot of things. I bet it was difficult to be her daughter. Get attention. My mother was very hospitable to all. When my Dad escaped their relationship he left my sister and me behind. My Mom was a very caring elementary teacher which took a lot of her energy. She did love us the best she could.
A little humor. In the middle of a sermon, our soft spoken kind pastor paused to make a point saying, “this is a but and it is a really big but”. Couple hundred burst into laughter and he did as well”.
Lol. I love it!
we used to....
Oh, yes, let’s ban that please! It sucks the life out of a room.
For what it's worth, I think guys is okay for a mixed group. Of course now that I've read others' comments, I'm thinking everyone is a great alternative and I'll try to remember it.🤔
The phrase I'd like to ban is the perfect storm. It is overused and used inappropriately often.
Oh, yes, that's a good one to finish off. The "perfect storm" seems to happen a lot lately.
Definitely trying to replace but with and - or restructure the sentence. I was hearing it come out of my mouth - & showing up on paper - far too often.
There are some others - you nailed lame & “it is what it is.” There’s another noun turned into a verb, but I can’t think of it right now. Maybe if I keep noodling it will come to me … noodle, noodle …. Nah! Maybe later.
Excellent post!!
When it comes to you, I can’t wait to hear!
I agree, I try to limit the word but and use and to allow for the paradox of a given situation. I try not to use the word "fine" and "interesting" as I find both don't convey much of anything anymore.
That's fun to think about. As a mid-westerner, "fine" means "I'm really mad and want you to ask me about it." "Interesting" is often, for me, a substitute for "oh my, what in the world are you thinking?" I like your idea to avoid both.
I wrote a post about fine not being a feeling! Mostly because I was tired of my chaplaincy students telling me they were feeling fine when I asked about their emotions! https://journeyingalongside.substack.com/p/fine-is-not-a-feeling
Thank you, Mary, for another thoughtful nugget of wisdom. It seems there might be two topics here. One deals with "but". The other with PC language. Makes me very aware now of when I might want to say "but" and perhaps use "and" instead. Seems that "and" may be less judgmental.
Regarding the PC language, I am so guilty of this even though I am conscious of what I am saying. It may relate to my life experience. I am 77 now (so I would classify as an "old guy" from those insensitive 50s & 60s) and think I am expressing myself correctly when I am really not. Example: Mary mentioned "guys". I thought guys was a term used by men AND women. My partner (is wife or spouse still OK to use?) said I am wrong. I said when I greet a group of males and females together what should I say? We decided "everyone" might be most appropriate. I have also used "ladies" when facing a group of females. Girls or women is not appropriate. I have used "guys" when talking to all women! I afraid there is no hope for me. Maybe the southern "y'all" is safest.
Recently you likely read that Harry & Meghan sent a note to William & Kate concerning Kate's recent medical diagnosis. It said: "We wish health and healing for Kate and the family, and hope they are able to do so privately and in peace.” To me that is very caring and appropriate. But it was grabbed by the media as indicating once again the strained relationship between the two couples. I do not agree.
Is this what "woke" is about? Are we progressives just shooting ourselves in the foot while trying to make every word so it does not offend anybody in the universe and then be laughed at by those who live their lives with much less worry and perhaps a lot more gladness?
Hopefully, Y'ALL have not been put to sleep by my rants and raves AND will give this old guy a break.
It is hard to keep up. People have a lot of grace for me, as I learn, and I hope for you, too. "Y'all" is always fun! I like "everyone." And, yes, less worry is always good.